I called my little sister in South Carolina on Saturday night and left this message: “They are not reporting it on the radio, who won?” This is what happens when you want news, but your computer is in a coma, and you have no TV, and NPR is playing hot jazz … you resort to the old skool communications methods and call your family members on the phone. It’s nice.

I was, of course, asking her about Obama v. Clinton SCarolina throw-down. But I COULD have been asking about MISS AMERICA, which was also decided on Saturday evening.

I grew up with what could be described as a rather inflated notion of the importance of Miss America. My family watched the pageant on television every year. And coming from SC, where we love our pageants (see the Peanut Princess and the Chitlin Queens), the fate of Miss South Carolina was usually well documented in our local media. So I find myself a bit shocked to realize today, only after seeing a joke in the Express page, that the pageant happened without me ever even noticing it (of course, again, we have no TV, so I suppose I should not expect more).

It seems the good people of DC do not care about Miss America. Heck, maybe no one in South Carolina cares anymore, maybe they are all too busy looking for more maps of The Iraq to give to U.S. Americans. I don’t really blame them.

But I do want you, my loyal readers, to know that Miss Michigan won. And it seems she was wearing an evening gown that looks like a bad ice-dancing costume. I am appalled.

EDITOR’S NOTE: UPDATE. The more I see this picture, the more deeply disturbed I am by this “evening gown.” For the love of God and our good country, PLEASE, Miss Michigan, put on some clothes, a nice ballgown or something. There were plenty of lovely numbers on the red carpet at the SAG awards the other night, perhaps you could borrow Angelina’s sheets and make a nice tent or something. Just please, no more Miss America in the ice dancing costume. This is our plea.